Zhibo is a weekly column in which Beijing-based American Taylor Hartwell documents his journey down the rabbit hole of Chinese livestreaming app YingKe (Inke). If you know nothing about the livestreaming (็ดๆญ; โzhiboโ) phenomenon in China, start here.
Exceedingly Valid English Criticism of the Week prepositions are hard to use and they are gross as f.
This is one of those things you donโt โ or at least, I didnโt โ think about until you have to explain English to people all the time.
Just consider the nightmare that is the word โto.โ Quick โ no dictionary, no Wikipedia โ can you explain what โtoโ means? If so, youโre already doing better than most. Now, consider the following sentences:
Itโs a good idea to let the students write in class.
No problem
You should let the students to write in class.
PROBLEM.
Having a house in the South of France is my dream.
No problem
I dream to having a house in the South of France.
PROBLEM
Go ahead, see if you can simply and straightforwardly explain to yourself why the correct sentences are ok and the incorrect sentences arenโt. This being the internet, Iโm sure you all nailed it first try โ but I myself find this sort of thing quite challenging.
And thatโs not even considering that there are more than two toโs, too.
behold, the correct reaction
Best String of Randomly Aggressive Comments
who do you think you are
I donโt know, Christina Perri. Who am I?
whatโs wrong with you
Probably a lot.
you have a lot of nerve
Yup.
canโt you do anything right
That is indeed the question.
Questionable Compliment of the Week this is exactly American accent
yes, we ARE going to ignore the rest of the picture and focus on the comment, thanks for asking
As Iโve mentioned once or twice before, the Chinese are quite proud of their language and its 5,000 (footnote?) years of continuous (seriously, footnote?) history. So even though what we call Mandarin and is more accurately called putonghua is a reasonably modern invention based very heavily on the regional language of the people who were in power when it came time to codify modern โChinese,โ there is nonetheless a pretty big obsession with the *proper* or *standard* accent here in China. If youโre on TV, youโre expected to be speaking very, very standard putonghua โ like, Siri-levels of standard.
Iโm sorry, Dave. I didnโt understand you.
So when studying English, Chinese people are naturally quite interested in what constitutes a proper/standard English accent. Interestingly, British English is still light years ahead of American English in Chinaโs battle of the textbooks, recordings, etc. โ despite the fact that a.) most parents investing in early English education are doing so in the hopes of sending their kids to America and b.) weโre supposedly living in a post-colonial world where the yoke of imperialism has been thrown off and China is no longer forced to adopt all things British.
I should be clear to my British readers (and editor): Itโs not that I have anything against your lovely and sophisticated-sounding accent โ even if it was (much like Mandarin) invented quite a bit more recently than youโd have us believe. Itโs great and charming etc. Itโs just amusing to me that Chinese students everywhere are learning about rubbish tips and lorries and how the letter โrโ is more of a suggestion than anything else even as their parents fill out their Harvard applications 15 years in advance.
[Editorโs note: This is our national response to the above paragraph]
But on the American English side of things, I am constantly told that my English is very *standard* sounding. Now, itโs true that Iโm from the middle of the East Coast and donโt have any particularly strong regional accent, but itโs also worth pointing out that Iโve had parents and colleagues tell me they specifically prefer my โaccentโ to that of African-Americans and Asian-Americans who sound exactly like me.
The problem with judging what constitutes โstandardโ when you have a data set of, you know, four or so people, is that a.) you simply canโt judge accurately and b.) you inevitably allow other meaningless factors (skin color, attractiveness, blond-ness of hair) to seep into your judgment of what makes a โrealโ foreigner.
Holy Sh@t Moment of the Week ไฝ ็็ๅพๅนฝ้ป
You might think someone calling me funny isnโt much of a big deal. But guess who this turned out to actually be?
thatโs the one!
Will report back when and if thereโs more to report.
All-Time Best Description of What Iโm Doing Narcissism in the early morning
You know what you just did?
Dumb Assumption of the Week You have a gun in your house
I say โdumb,โ but only with the assumption that the commenter knows and has chosen to ignore the fact that Iโm located in Beijing (it shows your location on the picture they have to click to enter your streaming room, so that assumption isnโt much of a stretch). More generally speaking, however, itโs getting pretty hard to laugh off the idea that I must like guns because โAmericans are crazy about their guns.โ
We in the West are quick to label to the Chinese as *brainwashed* on a whole host of issues, but itโs pretty remarkable how quickly people here arrive at the inescapable logical conclusion of the gun control argument: um, your Constitution was written when guns fired one single inaccurate bullet once every five minutes, so how does it make any sense that you donโt have new, modern rules for something like an AR-15? Isnโt an AR-15 as different from a musket as a rocket launcher is from an AR-15? You canโt buy a rocket launcher, can you?
Truly Unique Question of the Week Mormon is a cult do you agree?
Yup.
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More from the weird and wonderful world of livestreaming in China:
