China’s KFC Forsakes All Things Righteous, Creates Durian Chicken Nuggets

Having debuted its new durian chicken nuggets, China's KFC has squarely aligned itself with the forces of chaos. Somewhere, the Colonel weeps.

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Sep 6, 2019 1 mins read

China’s KFC has been doing some soul-searching.

Much like a wayward youth, hurled asunder on the tumultuous waves of fate and uncertain in its concept of self, China’s KFC has been making some questionable life decisions.

A couple months back, they decided American-style fried chicken wasn’t really a core component of the KFC brand, and started selling Chinese street food. Still, it wasn’t too surprising coming from those behind the infamous “chizza“, a pizza with a crust made of chicken (and by “pizza”, we mean melted cheese with kernels of corn in it).

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And yet, in terms of sheer scale, KFC’s latest experiment might be its greatest affront to God yet: Durian chicken nuggets.

In the press image, sulphuric, fecal-scented liquids ooze from the shell of an innocent chicken nugget, like contents from the corpse of a man whose colon has been sliced open by an enemy katana and left untended on the battlefield for three or four days in the sweltering wet heat of July.

And we pray.

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RADII tries durian pizza, the taste of poop and betrayal

RADII team member and durian fan Calvin Kung steeled his nerves and his spirit in order to confront this great sin:

“It was your average chicken nugget with a sliver of durian sludge,” he explains. “Classic overpromise, underdeliver. Outside flavoring of nugget is so strong, not even the mighty durian can win this battle for your ‘buds. The durian taste is so faint, you wonder if they just killed a chicken that happened to eat durian. There’s a reason durians don’t grow in Kentucky.

“My mom and I bonded over freshly cut durian,” he added. “This KFC nugget would appall her.”

There you have it, folks. The durian nugget, foe to all, friend to none.

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